Thursday, May 18, 2017

Why do I love cats so much?

Why do I love cats so much?
by K. Steitz

A flash fiction piece
dedicated to Kelly Hawk

I practiced sitting in different parts of Emily's two story Italianate on East Walnut Street. Light streamed into the windows, perfect for slow, joint-popping stretches and lazy nods. I studied rejuvenating repose by twisting myself into many different shapes, pulling tight into a full moon, or stretching from tip-to-tip like a jagged line punctuated by a peaceful sigh. Honestly, they all felt magnificent.

Most rooms had a lovely amount of light to bathe beneath, but my favorite place to curl up was in Emily's breakfast nook. I do believe she found my antics rather charming. She went out of her way to brush her fingers across my shoulders every time she passed by me that morning. It was one of the days she didn't disappear, but lounged with me between chores, book in one hand, chipped cup of earl gray in the other. These are my favorite mornings.

There was a picture window in the breakfast nook that looked out upon her well-maintained garden. The cushion itself is a delight, soft blue cotton; the window provides hours of entertainment. I was particularly interested in the bird life. She had a wide and unique variety of birds that visited her intricately molded cast-iron bird feeder. I believe I even saw a smug gentleman with a yellow chin and long beak poking about. Now those are some feathers I'd really love to sink my teeth into. Perhaps in another life.

Do you want a piece of flash fiction dedicated to you? Ask me any question in the comments of my blog and I will answer in the form of flash fiction. Emphasis on the fiction. Wink wink.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Abbey Riley talks fried chicken and desire...

Gone with the Wings:
Original Recipe for Romance?
By Abbey Riley

I don't know if anyone has really ever bothered to review The Tender Wings of Desire: a Colonel Sanders Novella. I'm conceited enough to hope that I am the first. Oh man, this story. To begin with, since it is a novella, it's very brief. You can seriously read it in the space of probably an hour; maybe less if you don't stop to laugh and talk about it with your friends. It centers on the life of Lady Madeline, an 18 year-old English member of the landed gentry who's never known love. It might even be said that lady Madeline doesn't believe in love, and certainly not love at first sight. Her younger sister Victoria is anxious to be wed to basically just anybody but as the eldest, it is Madeline's duty to marry first. Enter Duke Reginald: blond, handsome, rich, charming, kind; all the things, basically, but not giving Madeline the old tingle in the dingle, if you know what I mean.
(dingle noun “a deep, narrow cleft between hills; shady dell.”)
(You’re welcome.)
Tender Wings of Desire by [Sanders, Colonel]

At no point does the cover art match the story, nor does the story even really make sense. That’s cool; satire is fun. You read it because you realize this is really how romance novels are written. There’s a lot of set-up about how the female protagonist is unhappy or dissatisfied or a hot mess, then some dramatic change in her life thrusts this SO HANDSOME OMG LOOK AT HIS FACE SWOON man into her life and suddenly, through the magic of boning which turns out to be TRUE LOVE, everything is happy times forever!
So many questions this story leaves you pondering. Why did a Kentucky restaurant mogul become a sailor out of a small England port town? What time period are we in? How does Liam the kitchen boy intercept mail? Is he even literate? This novella doesn't give a shit about your questions! Colonel Sanders found love, okay?! Doesn't the pioneer of heart disease deserve love, too? He was just a simple man, standing in front of a simple woman, asking her to ignore the fact that after she told him all of her secrets and made an independent life for herself, he lied to her and now expects her to marry him, anyway. This is romance, people! True love conquers all, especially a woman's desire for agency!
All in all, I was really disappointed by the lack of fried chicken. Like, surprisingly so. I deeply anticipated some kink involving his famous string tie and a twenty-piece bucket of Original Recipe. Maybe out on some moors with a pony, once I realized this was set in England. For a romance novella, this was decidedly lacking in smut. I think a really weird sex scene could have taken this over the top from mildly comical to hilariously epic.
For laughs, you can download The Tender Wings of Desire on Amazon Kindle devices. If you have Kindle Unlimited, it's free. It's worth a peek for the cover alone, which is brutally 90s.

Thursday, May 11, 2017


I am finally the proud owner of Throne of Jade: book 2 in the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik. Suck on that universe!


I am contemplating making a Facebook profile for myself so I can post about blogs. This seems like a logical thing to do. I am having a difficult time taking myself seriously enough to do this... but it will probably end up happening! So, please look forward to that, my readers.

I actually am not even sure I believe that anybody reads my blog. Like, Blogger statistics say folks do, but like, I just don't believe it.

Ask me something. Anything. I will answer it in the form of flash fiction.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

A small rant about series

Have you read Naomi Novik yet? She wrote a beautiful book called Uprooted. This book lead me to explore her Temeraire series. To be honest with you, I was hesitant, despite how much I adored Uprooted, I've reached a point in my life where I am just not into long series about straight white dudes, especially based in an alt colonizer history, but I tried because I figured I found a great new author and I should try her other books out. I was not disappointed.

When I finished the first book, I was thirsty for the next one. I went to three local book stores to find book 2. I went to Barnes & Noble. They all had 4, 5, 6. Even the library was missing 2 & 3. I spent months trying to find them on my own. Finally I broke down and ordered them off Amazon. After a few weeks of no-books, I checked tracking and realized I accidentally ordered them from a UK retailer. I took a deep breath and accepted the situation. They were coming... just from across the pond.

Finally, a package showed up on my door. I squealed and ripped it open to find... book 3. They shipped my books separately and they shipped the 3rd book in the series first.

I mean, what even????

It's fine. The universe doesn't want me to read delicious books. I understand. Everything is fine.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Guest what?

I did another guest blog over at Shores of Night. You should check it out, especially if you like comic book movies, Marvel, Logan, or all of the above.

What else am I working on? I have a couple of projects in the works, and a couple collaborations. Still working on Book 2 of the Prophecy series. Maybe starting a comic book podcast with the preeminent warlock, Abbey. Perhaps there will be a comic in there, too.

I am curious... what would you like to hear more about from me? I'd really like to add some content that sparks with people, so feel free to leave any opinions, requests, or questions in the comments.

Yours faithfully,
K. Steitz