I have been straddling this uncomfortable place of needing to write and being unable to do so. From our writing workshop, I know I'm not alone. It seemed like at the beginning of this mess (at least in the US) everybody set to learn something new, create, keep busy- start that Duolingo program they've always meant to do, do a practice challenge in the skill of their choosing, Marie-Kondo their homes. We all saw it on our social media- the things we plan to do to navigate a period of great change and uncertainty. The first couple weeks, I vibed with this creative wave. I tried to learn how to jam skate, I kept my house cleanish. I read several books. But as this pandemic worsened, job security no longer existed. Every morning I woke up and scoured the news outlets to see what departments were being laid off on my campus. George Floyd was murdered by Minneapolis police, and we mourned and fought (fight) with/for our Black communities right to equality and life. My town has been rocked with ongoing protests, union actions, and our entire campus has cycled through furloughs.
This pandemic has been a time of change and deep fear. Somewhere along the way, I lost my ability to cope. My resilience went from like a solid 80% (made up number) to a 10%. I could not meditate away the grinding anxiety of living with a more constant and persistent fear that's now just a part of the landscape that I (we) navigate every day. I cry every day. I got into therapy at the nudge of a kind friend. I take naps when I need to (and can).
All that to say... Who can fucking do anything, with all this shit? It's fucking hard, and if you can't bring yourself to the keyboard, or to pick up the pen, give yourself some slack. The word UNPRECEDENTED isn't being thrown around for shits and giggles. You& we are living through a crisis and right now your priority is to take care of you when you can and be kind & forgiving to yourself when you can't. Maybe call a friend or get yourself a cup of nice tea and sit outside with your dog for awhile. You are doing what you can, that that's amazing.
So here are my 5 tips for writing when you can't write:
- Don't. Seriously, if you need to selfcare, don't write. Do what you have to do. You only have energy to help your kid with online classes today? You're a badass boss. You're trying to survive right now, and that includes being kind to yourself and recognizing when it's okay to focus on your basic, fundamental needs. Take a shower, read a comic, play with your kids, practice your necromancy. You can write later. There is no write way to do this. (that's a pun, I'm sorry).
- Forgive yourself. You're doing the best you can. This shit is hard. I've already forgiven myself for the pun.
- Step away from what you were working on pre-Pandemic. Maybe you can't focus on that right now because it's not speaking a truth that's resonating for you. If you can, start a project where you can write through some of what's going on. What is our art and craft if we're not working through the hard shit?
- Stop, Collaborate, & Listen. You know what kicked me out of stasis? Erin Knowles texted me about working on a project together. I was so honored and also felt like the kid who opens the door to mom's accomplished & professional friend, meanwhile, there's peanut butter in my hair and gum stuck to my cheek, running around in dad's oversized t-shirt, "Mom's not home, and also did you bring me a cookie Auntie Erin??" Like this adult ass human wants to work on something... with me? It's gonna take me awhile to get the gum and peanut butter excavated, but like, how can you say no to this cool human? Have they gone feral too? I mean, honestly? Probably. Who hasn't, right now? But having her there to talk to and work with helped breathe some life back into my own writerly motivation. I found myself thinking more about writing and working on new projects. Sometimes we need to collaborate with our other creative friends because sometimes it's hard to start alone, especially when you've been isolated from the world for months. Sometimes it helps to have somebody to text pictures of wildflowers to, somebody who also gets having days where you melt (and who has their own days when they melt), and you can be gentle with each other and help each other find some light, and send kind words to when you can't find some light.
- Hydrate & Stretch. Look, I know we aren't world-class athletes (wait... are you? That's fucking cool). But a lot of us tend to get in our flow and stop paying attention to what our body needs. Make sure you sit down to your desk with a cup of water. Take a break and do this quick stretch for your hands and for your neck/shoulders. If you need to think out some plots or thoughts, maybe try a gentle hike or walk around the neighborhood?
Hey friends! Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you liked it. It's free for you to read, but I still gotta make a living!
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