Spoken Word poetry redux

I spend a lot of time thinking about spoken word poetry and why I hate it when it's demonstrably and inarguably a valid and meaningful field of poetry- and I have explored many explanations but none of them ever sat right.

When I was in my early twenties and I hadn't formed an opinion about it yet, I did a few open mikes with a friend. I stood on stage, the color of a tomato, feeling embarrassment from the sweating crown of my head to my clenched toes. I smoked cigarettes outside afterwards and recycled the moment over and over in my head. I felt shame, I felt vulnerable, and most of all, I felt like my poems didn't belong with the other poems. I felt like I didn't belong with the other poets. 

Enter my late 20s: everybody tells me that I should listen to Andrea Gibson. I do. I hate every second of it. Their voice makes my stomach hurt. Their words make me feel hot and I want to shut down. Like, the words are good, but they are direct and raw and seem to be there to intentionally and forcefully illicit a response, which they do (and I don't like). I try to like their words. I subscribe to Button Poetry and try to like spoken word, slam poetry- after all, it's earnestly the poetry of marginalized people. It's where I first see fat, queer, trans, & BIPOC people reading their craft. I want to like it , but listening brings up those same hot & hard feelings. 

When I was in college I had a lot of bullshit academic reasons for why I didn't like spoken word poetry and honestly? They aren't worth going into here. They're bullshit.

I've even wrote posts here in this blog, many were deleted. They didn't feel true.

This week I was (once again) ranting about spoken word to Mr. J and it occurred to me that it's because so much of the structure of the craft is writing and saying things bluntly. It's radical vulnerability. I don't like it because I am deeply uncomfortable with radical vulnerability, but that's also why it's so powerful and why so many people do love it, and also why it is SO IMPORTANT. 

I doubt I'll be able to magically gravitate towards the form now, but it feels good to understand some of it's significance and it's truths. It's also understanding myself in a new way, understanding how I share my vulnerability as a writer of feelings. This knowledge sits right and it feels true. It feels more like a seed instead of rock.

@-%--

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Earnestly Yours,

Kit

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