A few months later...

Updates & rambling...

Do you all know that I have ADHD? This is not a joking ha ha ha flippant comment. I have it!

So at this point I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I haven't updated in a few months. I could lie to you and tell you it's because of all the projects I've been working on, but honestly? It's not. In fact, when I'm busy with writing projects, it normally triggers me to write in here. The truth is, this is just me, and a me that suffers from pretty hard depression in the Spring. 

Reading goalsssssssssss

My goals this year are pretty minimal- I think I've got a 2 books-a-month reading goal? I've kept up with it, more or less. Last month I was hyper focused and knocked both of my books out in a week. This month I got cocky and didn't start reading/listening to my audiobooks until far too late in the month. I also chose pretty hefty bois to read. (Oh hey, let's be friends on StoryGraph?)

Checked off my to-read list since Jan:

• The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi Coats
• Children of Virtue & Vengeance by Tomi Adeyemi
• Lumberjanes: The Moon is Up by Mariko Tamaki (I <3 YA and I'll fight you)
• How Long 'til Black Future Month? N.K. Jemisin
• How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
• Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones
• The Craft of Love by EE Ottoman
• The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

Currently working on:

• The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon
• The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

To write, we must read! So I'm trying to keep my brain meat sharp (ow).

And now... to talk about creating!

As far as writing goes... well... it's on and off. The pandemic has definitely made it worse, that's for sure. I wrote a collection of poems last August and have tried putting a manuscript together for it 3 times, 2 of which have been lost to laptops that gave up before me. The third I am actively and presently working on. Since I've decided to stop publishing through Amazon, I'm trying to find a new self publisher. Searching for self-publishing companies almost always sends me on a former English major spiral of 1) imposter syndrome, BIG TIME 2) snobbery regarding self publishing (which I pretty much exclusively do, so wtf brain) and 3) General Anxiety & Overwhelmednessery.

I'm not sure I'll ever let my current novels see the light of day. There are some problematic corners I've written myself into and also? I can't reiterate enough how re-reading the novel I wrote post-concussion is like pulling teeth. Like ok. Brain injury and still tryna get them words on the page. I might just scratch them and start over fresh this year. But should I scratch a three book project because I don't like 1.5 of the books? Is this more imposter syndrome? Hello, this is just a brief glimpse into the deep well of overthinking I've done about these books over the past 5 years. I do think I still want to pursue a real publisher this year? But also maybe not. I don't fucking know. I am in book limbo. 

I also can't shake the feeling that I'm a much better poet than prose writer. I also learned that there are a whole bunch of people who think in like pictures? Like their thoughts while they're writing are like they're in a movie of everything happening, and I mostly think in words and I wonder if that stunts my ability to write prose? IDK. 

I knit A LOT of hats this winter, crocheted Ugly Blanket Jr. for my brother, made some tie dye stuff with my partner, started and ditched so many projects I can't keep track of them all. We added several giant containers to our veggie garden and the flowers came in like a goddamn beautiful, messy English garden (look!)

  

 

So I guess I don't really know what my writing goals are for this year (and we're 5 months in, yikes!) but I am trying really hard to get this second book of poetry out. It might end up going through Amazon again, just because it seems like they're the best for self publishing rn and the body of my poetry has already been through them. I just hate the idea of Jeff Bezos profiting off of my money- to be fair, the amount I sell books of poetry is just so miniscule. I'm pretty sure he makes more money in the time it takes to sneeze. Honestly, at my normal people job, I think I probably make more money in the time it takes to sneeze than I have off of self publishing. So meh? Does it matter? IDK, that's a thought for overthinking Kit to ponder later, then again, and possibly a third time, definitely a few times in a row while trying to sleep.

Our writing group seems to be hibernating. I hope it can find some life again soon. It ebbs and flows and I'm okay with that... I do too. 

Listening...

So I listen off and on to the podcast Start with This. SwT is accessible and frequently very motivating. Joseph & Jeffrey have a pretty good banter vibe and the writing prompts are helpful. I like how they structure it all, too. Do I do the prompts every time? Absolutely not, that's a level of consistency I would need to be medicated to achieve. Just keeping it real, y'all.

I've tried several other podcasts, but it seems like most of the writing podcasts I've found are too academic to keep my interest. Don't get me wrong, I was a baby academic in the throes of snobbery back in college, but that cost me a lot of money and put me in over a decades worth of debt that I could barely juggle and survive (and wouldn't have, if not for the love and help of friends and family). I'm not paying somebody to bore me death again. Fool me once, shame and debt on me, Fool me twice, well fuck, I just can't afford it. 

But if anybody is reading this and they have some good suggestions, I'd love to give them a try. 

So I guess that's a pretty good general update/ramblebramble. I hope everybody is having a fabulous week and I'll write at y'all again soon. Promise!

Love and rainy days,

Kit

As always, if you like (love) this content and want to support my writing outside of the big bad projects, and read supporter-only content, you can buy me a cuppa at ko.fi. You can also purchase my chapbook & audible of poetry, a record of night at Amazon. If you're so inclined, you can also follow my author page at goodreads or follow me on Twitter. 

Please show me some love and leave a comment, review, or rating on any of these platforms! Have an awesome day, my friends.